I had been going through a health trial for around eight years, with the last five being the worst.  God had promised me at the beginning of it that I would be healed of all the ailments that plagued me.  This was confirmed by many other people through word of knowledge.  When your promises tarry it can be torturous. You go through seasons of great faith, no faith, being hopeful, losing hope and on it goes.  Recently I had some massive encounters with Jesus – one where I was enveloped in His light seeing the light with my natural eyes whilst He spoke to me about the second infilling.  I was shouting out ‘I surrender, I surrender to You’. Naturally I assumed that I had received the second infilling and would start the healing process and find myself changed in lots of areas.  Two months after this encounter nothing had changed.  Then I was shown Jesus’s hands outstretched coming from the doorway of our office and told to enter through, I did and when I did I heard the words; “You have gone through the door!  I am the door.  What does this mean?  No more blockages.  Nothing unyielded.  You have exchanged your life for My life.” Again I naturally assumed I was done, I had made it and the blessings would start to manifest in my life.  Instead everything got even worse.  Upon asking the Lord why this had happened He told me I was about to enter my promised land and had to battle against the giants who were in there by using my sword (His word). I started reading out loud the words He gave me to pray every day and things still did not improve. I was feeling beaten down, losing hope and entering into depression.

I was recently at my in laws and we were talking about the great tribulation and the end times.  I have noticed how they have 100% faith and trust in God whilst I still tend to view the world through eyes of fear. I was pondering this when the Lord spoke to me and this is what I heard, “You are standing on a foundation of fear.  Many see through the eyes of trust in God – you do not. You don’t know My love – things are about to change for you. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love (1 John 4:18, KJV). Love – the love of the Father.  The natural world cannot give you the love, security and peace I can. There are so many blockages to receiving the love of God – not from My end, but from yours. Why are you standing on a foundation of fear?  Lack of trust in God.  If you knew My love you would fear not. You have felt My love, but you do not know My love.  Knowing My love is receiving the fullness of the knowledge of My love in you. How do you receive My love?  You let Me in.  Many of My children build walls that don’t allow My love into them.  You have such a wall, in fact you have several. Little Tania prevents adult Tania from trusting fully in Me. Little Tania self-protects at all costs. This wall was formed when your Dad left the family home when he and your mother divorced. Abandonment from the Father. Your security – the head of the home left. A huge void – a feeling of insecurity and vulnerability ensues.  This wound has not yet been healed in you.  When the head of the family leaves, the impact is great.  You automatically fill the void through self-protection. You have to allow Me to protect you.  Let down that wall of self-protection.  What if I let you down? You want to be safe from all harm, danger and evil but while you are in the world there is tribulation.  The word of God says that I have overcome the world. If you let Me, what the world says is trouble I can turn to good. Trust Me and I will do this always.  Can you trust Me to do this?” I replied “Yes”. He spoke again, “Do not fear the tribulation – rejoice that I will turn it for good. Instead of looking at the tribulation focus on My outcome.  Can you do that?  Always ask Me to show you the end results in all tests and trials. Look for Me. I understand you are having trouble seeing I am good because I promised you healing and it has not come yet.  I see your suffering and see how hard it is at times for you to continue to stand. I have strengthened you so that you are able to continue to stand. Now it is time to receive the promise – the fulfilment of what I told you would happen.  You will be well in your body and you will be enshrouded in love, joy and peace. People will want what you have.  Instead of simply telling them to trust as others have done to you, you will be able to take them through the steps and show them what has to be done to achieve it.  There are reasons why people cannot easily break free from those things that ail them. Your ministry dismantles those strong holds in people’s lives so they can be set free. The end goal for you is to be filled with My Holy Spirit with love, joy and peace in your soul. This is the second infilling where the soul (mind, will, emotions, and conscience) is made new. People need to be made whole in order to be able to receive the fullness of the power of God.  This is not just for your own well-being, but also so you can carry the fullness of My anointing to heal others.  Forgive those who criticise you for your fears and lack of faith.  They don’t mean to hurt or condemn you.  Their misunderstanding of how some are not standing on the foundation of love means they can never be in your shoes or have the understanding to be so. You will never fully understand them and they will never fully understand you.  Other people are in the same shoes as you – your Ministry is for them.  I will use your suffering and pain for good by using you to help those who can’t be helped by one who has not walked this path and learned how to conquer it through My keys of revelation knowledge.

Lack of love from the Father – the curse of anxiety, fear and worry and the ability to see only through the eyes of fear will be broken from you.  I am teaching you to trust Me by showing you My heart, and by showing you the blockages.  Although the healing tarries all is not lost – there is also healing in the tarrying as you gain revelation knowledge along the way.  These are keys. Each revelation enables you to trust Me more.  You get angry - I show you the reason why your healing is prolonged and you learn more of Me and My Kingdom and its ways.  Although in principle you have laid down that wall it still has to become a reality.  Actions have to back up our words. You are still laying down that wall, bit by bit, piece by piece as you get to know Me.  Trust didn’t come easy to you and I had to tread carefully.  When that wall has collapsed that is when you will receive all of Me. You can’t trust Me until I show you My love.  Once you trust Me you can receive My love.” Feeling confused I reminded God about my massive encounter when I saw the light of Jesus and was transported to Heavenly places and surrendered to Him, and also when I walked through the door and He told me I had exchanged my life for His life. He replied, “This was showing you the end.  Has it happened yet? I know all and see all and this was Me showing you what is to come.” I was a bit stunned when God told me this and I felt rather annoyed.  I truly had believed that during those encounters I was receiving what I needed in that moment and was surprised to learn that they were simply God showing me what the moment I receive will look like.  To be honest in that moment I felt a bit like the person who is running after the finish line and the finish lines keeps moving further and further away. It seemed to me I get yet so close but still so far away.

The next day things were getting on top of me, it all became too much and I had another rant at God.  I was having trouble sleeping due to palpitations, night sweats, muscle spasms, chest pain, reflux and adrenaline surges throughout the night, day time wasn’t much better, and yet I was still ministering to other people in obedience to God which is difficult when you are not feeling well. I kept thinking about how God told me all those encounters I had previously experienced were a promise of what was to come and weren’t actually the end result as they happened, and as I had believed.  I felt really annoyed that I had believed they were the actual thing at the time (only to end up disappointed that nothing had changed) and God hadn’t revealed to me until now that these encounters were depicting what was to come. They were promises of my original promise and now I was feeling a little ripped off. I stomped off to Mark and told him how hurt and disappointed I was.  When I am feeling like this I want a sympathetic ear and need compassion, empathy and support, and someone to relate to and understand how I am feeling.  I should have known better than to go to my husband for this.  Mark and I are very different.  I am very emotional and he is not.  Instead of empathy and compassion I normally get corrective criticism from him - He sees a problem and simply wants to fix it proceeding to tell me all the things he believes I am doing or believing wrongly.  In this instance when I expressed my annoyance and hurt with the situation He replied “Well you do have knee jerk reactions and react out of your assumption of what you believe should or is happening”.

Well that went down like a lead balloon which ended up with me even angrier and now in tears telling Mark that most people would assume the same thing, especially when having a mighty encounter with Jesus in His presence and even more so when He is speaking to you like it is the end result.  I was angry with Mark and God for quite a while. I sat in my room for some time in an attempt to calm down.  Once I had calmed down I heard God say “Are you ready to hear Me now?” I replied “Yes”. He spoke, “Have you ever prayed and asked Me to show you the end result through your trials? Have you ever prayed and asked to see the situation through My eyes?” “Yes” I answered I had prayed both those things quite a few times.  He replied, “Well that is what I was doing, I was answering your prayers”. Well that made me even madder.  I replied “Why didn’t you tell me that was what You were doing instead of allowing me to believe I was actually in that moment receiving those things.  It would have saved a lot of heartache and angst.  I sat pondering for a while and slowly started seeing this through God’s eyes.  He was right, I had asked for Him to show me the end result of my suffering, and for Him to show me situations through His eyes. He had delivered exactly what I asked for in a mighty and spectacular way (I just didn’t realise it at the time). He reminded me of how mad I had been at Mark and spoke again, “I need you to repent for being self-centred and expecting others to supply your needs. Forgive them for being unable to do so.” I then realised it was my own expectation of what I needed from Mark that was the problem.  Could he have handled it better?  Yes, but this was his way of dealing with things and our ways are not the same.  I said sorry to Mark for getting so angry because he didn’t say what I wanted to hear. I also repented to God for being self-centred and expecting others to supply my needs.  Mark also felt led to pray to God and asked Him to help him to remember to offer compassion and have empathy for situations when I am hurting, before he offers corrective advice. As I got revelation of these things the Lord also spoke to me the word ‘compromise’.  People need to learn to compromise with each other as no two people are the same.  They need to learn each other’s needs and ask God to help them supply those needs.  As people we are not God and only through Him can we help one another grow and supply what they actually need for healing, instead of giving or offering them what we think they need.  We all need constructive criticism as it helps us learn but how we deliver that constructive criticism should always be through love, compassion and understanding.  We need to ask God to help us love people more through His love and see the situation through His eyes rather than our own.  Then and only then can we operate through a Kingdom mind-set rather than a worldly one.

(PRAYER) – “Father God in Jesus name I repent for assumption and wrong expectations.  I am sorry for assuming any encounters I have had with you were the actual fulfilment of my promise, when they were the gift of faith in action.  You were showing me without a doubt the fulfilment of my promise to help me continue to stand in faith and belief.  Thank You for showing me this. I am sorry for blaming You and lashing out at You when my expectation or understanding of that encounter wasn’t fulfilled how I expected it to be. I forgive all those who have condemned or criticised me for my faults. I repent for being self-centred and expecting other people to supply my needs in the way I needed.  I forgive them for not supplying my needs. I repent also for not supplying the needs of another person in the way they needed. I ask that You would help me to love people through Your love. Help me to give corrective criticism in love, care, compassion and understanding through Your eyes, rather than through my eyes and the eyes of the world. I pray that You would please prepare the heart of the receiver to receive it. I again relinquish all false walls of protection and those things that prevent me from receiving Your love. I forgive all those who caused me to stand on a foundation of fear. As I go through trials and tribulations please help me to focus on You. Please continue to show me the end result to enable me to keep the faith until I receive my promise.   I ask that You would continually show Me Your love so I can fully trust in You and receive the fullness of Your love.  I step aside and allow You to protect me and I repent for standing in the way. In Jesus name, Amen.”

By Tania Francis



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