I recently came across a couple of Ministers who were preaching about self-pity and how we have to avoid coming into this place.  What they were teaching was that you had a choice, you could be positive and maintain a belief and positive confession in God or you could enter into a place of negativity and feel sorry for yourself.  They went on to say that if someone asks you how you are then don’t mention how bad you are feeling but simply say ‘I am on my way to being whole’.  I felt a little annoyed by the teaching because I myself had entered into bouts of feeling very sorry for myself and needing comfort, prayer and intercession from those around me. Suffering and struggling through each day when you are in turmoil is not easy. I thought about how the Bible teaches that those who mourn will be comforted, and about how those who are suffering will be healed. Surely God doesn’t expect us to pretend we are okay and put on a brave face and go about our business in pain?  Does this mean that it is wrong to tell others how we are feeling? Surely not, otherwise how do we ask for prayer and intercession from others when things are going bad?  I decided to do a Scripture study to see what the Bible says.  I came across the passage in Matthew where Jesus was distressed and sorrowful in the garden of Gethsemane and had asked God to take the cup of suffering from Him.  He even became annoyed with His disciples because they fell asleep and didn’t sit with Him in His time of need.  Jesus in His humanness even needed comfort and support when He was in a place of despair but ultimately He told God that He wanted His will to be done.  He made a choice to follow God the Father and then an angel strengthened Him ready for what was to come, the crucifixion. The thing that stands out to me in this is that when Jesus entered into a place of despair and then made a choice to follow the will of God, He was strengthened because of that choice.

In all their affliction he was afflicted, and the angel of his presence saved them: in his love and in his pity he redeemed them; and he bare them, and carried them all the days of old (Isaiah 63:9, KJV). The word pity in this passage in Hebrew is Chemlah and means mercy and compassion. Many times when we take pity on another through our mercy and compassion anointing is released from the Holy Spirit within as we pray for them. When God takes pity on us He releases toward us His Grace and mercy. If pity means mercy and compassion then does self-pity mean mercy and compassion towards self? According to the Meriam Webster Dictionary self-pity means a self-indulgent dwelling on one's own sorrows or misfortunes.  The key to this is the word ‘self’.  In everything we do we are to lay down ‘self’ for Christs sake. Self is of the flesh which is why Jesus was willing to lay down ‘self’ for the sake of others. I sought the Lord and this is what I believe He showed me: - It is okay to feel grief, be sad, be disappointed and mourn when things go wrong.  It is also okay to take pity (mercy and compassion) on yourself and pray to God and ask others for help. It is okay to want to be comforted. As you have seen even Jesus experienced this. The key when in this place is to pray and seek God and remain focused on Him making the choice to enter into His will. In this time of need we need to come closer to God. Many find that instead of remaining positive in a solid belief in Christ’s provision they can then enter into negativity, doubt and self-pity.  What is self-pity? An excessive focus on one’s own problems.  Self-pity becomes an idol because our focus becomes stronger on the problem that on the problem-solver. We all know how easy it is to lose focus on God in these times – unbelief, doubt and disappointment that these things that hurt us haven’t been removed in the way we would like, can make us lose focus. The more we enter into self-pity the more we move away from God. How then do we overcome and not let our hurts, pain, disappointment, doubts and disbelief become our major focus?

The Lord then spoke: - “Remain focused on Me.  Look to the author and finisher of your race.  Don’t lose sight of Me.  When in this state of self-pity many turn away.  Self-pity opens the door to heaviness. The more self-pity you enter into the heavier things become.  You lose sight of Me. Repent for losing sight of Me.  Repent for allowing your problems to become greater than the problem solver (Me). Remain in Me and Your joy will be full. There is a specific time and a specific place predestined for you to receive all I have for you. Self-pity opens the door to heaviness and heaviness smothers. In this place you become enshrouded in a place of heaviness, doom and gloom. It is hard to see.  Heaviness is like a smog that causes clouded judgment. You may make decisions and do things you wouldn’t normally do.  The cloud of heaviness is lifted when you repent for allowing self-pity to become an idol because you put it ahead of Your purpose in Me.”

He then went on to speak a personal word to me.  To gauge an understanding of the word He spoke to me (which is below) I will go into the history of my walk in God and the promise He gave to me of being healed in His presence.  The date of writing this is 14/11/2018. About six years ago I started to become unwell. He had told me at the beginning of this that I would be healed when I trusted Him. Over this time Mark and I started up a Team Ministry in which we ministered to others with a group of other people.  At the beginning of 2016 I had become very unwell. I had prayed and asked God what to do. I then received a word telling me to lay down the Team Ministry. I prayed for confirmation and at the time none of the other team members got confirming words.  We assumed this word to be from a deceiving spirit. I continued and it was very difficult. A few months later I again told the Lord I was struggling and could no longer continue ministering to others in my current state.  The word I received at this time was “When you pray for others you will be healed in the anointing as they are healed.” In light of this word I kept going for another six months continuing as a team and doing Ministry but I got worse and not better.

In October 2016 I said to God as I wept “I have to lay down this Ministry and pick it back up again when I am well.  I won’t do Ministry anymore until I am well.”  The Lord told me to go ahead and lay down ‘Team Ministry’ and reminded me that He had told me to do this at the beginning of the year.  I asked Him why He never confirmed it, and He replied that He had and showed me that the confirmation of His word was that my health was so poor I couldn’t continue. He told me that Team Ministry was no more and that the Ministry Model I used was now null and void and that He had a new thing for me. All I knew was that it involved a double anointing for myself to minister to those whom God showed me and that doors would also open to enable me to teach all I had learned. Sometime later I got told that Christian Connection would not have an actual Ministry Model to operate from – it would simply be about being used by the Holy Spirit and all I had to do was be willing and available. This word was not confirmed so I was unsure if this was correct or not so I just held on to it. The year and a half after that was incredibly tough and is outlined throughout the entire PDF's of Self Deliverance Prayers. He talked to me greatly in this time about the second infilling of His Holy Spirit which included a double portion of His anointing in which I would minister.  He told me that I would carry an anointing of the Blood of Jesus that would remove sin, cleanse and heal. I knew this word to be from God as I received that inner peace and knowing where you just know that you know. I then had deceiving spirits trying to give me direction left right and centre. I also got told not to start ministering to people until I received a new Ministry Model and the double anointing. One word told me that I was not going to receive a Ministry Model, whilst other words told me I would.  It was hard for me to discern the real from the counterfeit so I just kept waiting, but it was all very frustrating.

Six months ago I went to a Healing Meeting with a man who ministered from Africa.  This man prayed for me then gave me a very accurate word.  He repeated so much of what God had already told me and said that ‘It was now time to pick up my mantle again and start ministering and that God wanted to give me a double anointing’, then he imparted it to me. I felt a slight sensation of power as I received it. He then told me that as I ministered to others under this double anointing I would receive healing at the same time.  Wow – the same word I got given when I was doing the Team Ministry and it did not happen. It must have been meant for the New Ministry which is why it did not come to pass when I kept ministering.

The next day I prayed to God and told Him that 'I pick up my mantle' and was ready to start ministering again.  I was still very unwell but trusted the word that I would be healed under the anointing when I prayed for others. That very day a friend rang to visit. I discerned a need when she was here and started ministering.  The anointing was strong and we were both impacted.  In fact I felt so great after she had left that I also attended an equipping station meeting that night in which I had been previously too unwell to attend over the last year and a half. 

The following week I had an email from someone wanting Ministry.  Up until then I had been declining but decided to go ahead with this one. The session was fantastic and again afterwards for a few hours I was buzzing. I was hoping to feel 100% well again after these two sessions but I did not, however I did note that I had in the last few weeks gone from terrible to bearable. I decided to try again the following week but the skype would not work.  We tried for hours to no avail.  Was this the enemy or God showing me that I was not ready?  I wondered if maybe I had picked up my old mantle and was doing Ministry in the old way, and not the new and that I had to wait for the Ministry Model (if there was such a thing).  I tried again with another lady the following week and she had to cancel our session because of unforeseen circumstances on her end.  I prayed again and all I heard was “I want you to minister to those two ladies under the new anointing and I got reminded that the new anointing carried the power of the Blood of Jesus.” My understanding of this word then, was that I had to wait for a new Ministry Model and/or anointing which was still to come.  Although the Minister had imparted to me a double anointing I assumed that this was not the entirety of what I was waiting for and that there was still more to come, specifically the second infilling.  Why did I assume this?  My salvation experience when I was born-again in my spirit was so hugely powerful and impacting and life changing that I was expecting the second infilling to come into my soul to be the same, and that I would receive it all at once as I did the first time. I deemed from that day then that I was to wait and used the cancellations as the confirmation.  I laid down my mantle again and told God I would wait on Him as it was all so very confusing.

Now onto the personal word I received: - “My daughter in this place of ‘laying down’ not only did you lay down Team Ministry you also laid down ‘your Ministry’. Although you have ministered to some people in this time that I have sent your way, you told Me that you did not want to start your Ministry again until you were well.  You shut the door on your own Ministry. My timing is always when you are ready. You were not ready so I stopped using you in the powerful way that you loved to be used. When the visiting Minister told you to pick up your mantle again the enemy interfered which made you lay it back down again. You believed it was Me wanting you to stop, but it was not. Your healing will come when you minister in My anointing (which you have already received, the manifestation of which will become apparent when you step into it). I asked you to lay down Team Ministry, not your Ministry. That was your decision. You believed you were not well enough to do Ministry with Me, yet I had already told you that you would be healed when you did this. It is time to trust Me now. This word of your healing has now been confirmed by other Ministers. Pick up your mantle and step out of the boat and keep your eyes on Me. What is the new Ministry?  To be available to minister to whomever I send your way and to be available wherever I send you.  Your healing will come in My presence and to be in My presence is to be under My anointing.  Minister to those whom I send you.  It may be by skype, it may be in the streets, but go where the Spirit says ‘go’. You will minister on your own and you will minister in groups alongside other people. Be lead and guided by Me, and completely in My will and I will clearly show you the way. Confusion has kept you from your destiny in Me. Conflicting words, conflicting voices, and believing you were too unwell to be used by Me. As long as you are available I can use anyone.  Is this cruel to ask you to minister when you are still unwell? Why would it be when I promised to heal you when you pray for others?  Why are you waiting? Why are you disappointed when the answer to your promised healing has been there the entire time? The anointing you already received is activated the moment you trust Me and step into it.”

To say I was astounded is an understatement.  God was now telling me that I received the new anointing for the New Ministry the day the African Minister imparted it and that it would outwardly manifest within me and to others when I activated it simply by stepping out and ministering again.  Why had God not made it clearer to me? I had been waiting and waiting for my healing, and for the new anointing and Ministry Model and the answer had been there the entire time.  Not only this, He had also told me that at the very beginning that I would be healed when I trusted Him. All I had to do now was make myself available and start up Ministry in Him simply by stepping out in trust and the rest would simply fall into place. I asked God why He had not made this clearer to me as clearly I had been under a shroud of confusion.  This is what He spoke: - “I made it very clear, you just didn’t hear it.” He showed me again the cloud of heaviness.  I had entered into self-pity because of how bad I was feeling.  Self-pity is an excessive focus on one’s own problems. In my own strength I could not do Ministry. I had told Him that I would not start up ministry again until I was well. I had slammed the door well and truly shut on the Ministry He had for me. I had put more focus on my problems believing I could not be used by God in this state. The reason for this, was that after receiving the word that I would be healed when I prayed for others and continuing on doing Team Ministry, it did not happen.  I now knew this was because He had a new Ministry for me.  It involved working one on one with Him and going wherever He needed me to go. The word of healing for me was His promise for the new Ministry, not the old Ministry. The Team Ministry was a stepping stone into the new Ministry. I had to lay that down in order to do the new thing. The answer had been there the whole time and I did not ‘see’ it. Now all I had to do was trust God that as I stepped out in faith to minister to others (even in my broken state) He would heal me as the Spirit of God in me healed others.  So beautiful, so simple.  My mind-set also of what the second infilling should look like dictated to me how I proceeded.  The second infilling I believe has already been imparted. I believe it is intertwined and part of the double anointing I was imparted. It was now up to me to allow it to spread and completely resurrect that which was dead in me. It was like a seed ready to spring forth and change me from within when I allowed it to be unleashed simply by stepping out with God in my God-given destiny. It is my belief that the second infilling/fire baptism is made up of ‘being imparted with the fire of God', and 'a resurrection from the impartation’ once the process is complete. I believe the resurrection will be much like being born again when I was first saved (in my spirit). Therefore, I believe it is a process of cleansing, refining, deliverance and lastly transformation. For now, I am awaiting the resurrection/transformation of my soul. 

Although I am still very unwell I have again picked up my mantle and have made myself available to God to use me and start up the Ministry again.  Today the new Ministry begins. He is right, the Ministry is not as it was before. A new adventure is about to unfold with God and me.  I am excited to see where He takes me. I have repented of self-pity, the shroud of heaviness and confusion has been lifted.  I await now His direction and will follow the leading of His Holy Spirit.

(PRAYER) – “Father God in Jesus name I repent for self-pity in which there was an excessive focus on my own problems.  I repent for allowing self-pity to become an idol because I put it ahead of Your purpose in me. I repent for losing sight of You and for allowing My problems to become greater than the problem solver (Jesus). I now speak to heaviness - that great fog of doom and gloom that enables confusion and clouded focus and judgement to leave immediately in Jesus name.  I now ask You Father God that where there was confusion and lack of clarity in my God-given destiny for You to bring clarity and confirmation, so I can enter into the perfect will of God for my life.  Thank You Father, Son and Holy Spirit, Amen.”

(Prophetic Act) – Put on the Garment of Praise for heaviness and start praising God – Isaiah 61:3).

By Tania Francis


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